BEGINNING WHEN YOU CAN’T SEE THE END

• I have a hunch that I might be able to create some kind of art that is meaningful. I do not know what it is, nor do I admit this to anyone. I think about this for possibly years.

• One day I try to do something in the smallest way possible, when nobody is looking. I keep the art supplies in a drawer.

• I am unsure but find that it feels good to experiment with the art supplies. So I do it again. And then few more times.

• I finally show someone what I have been making. They really love it and want to see more. Whenever I see this person they always ask about my Art. They tell a friend.

• I continue making my Art. It is sporadic but over time it starts to become habitual. For a birthday gift, I give my favorite one to my closest friend. When everyone sees it I am not prepared for the attention it and then I receive. I feel elated and vulnerable at the same time. This Art is more me than I thought. It scares me a little.

• Even so, I prefer making my Art to doing most things now. I start to look for ways to be more efficient. Finding a small corner where I can leave things set up makes a big difference.

• Within a year I have moved into the garage. Even though it is cold at times, having the extra space is wonderful. I notice that as my space gets bigger so does my Art. When I was working yesterday with the roll up door open, my neighbor came by and loved what I was making. He ended up buying two. I didn’t know what to charge. He liked the two that I liked the best and even though I am sure I undercharged him, it felt so good to have someone besides me love my work.

• It has been over a year now. I now have made so much Art that it feels OK to let it go. I do not need to keep everything I make. I am more interested in the Art I am making rather than the Art I made.

• I am not sure where all this is going. I do know I feel more and more like myself. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and find myself thinking about my Art. I can’t imagine not doing this now and I wonder where my Art will lead me in the coming years. I am so curious.

• There is so much uncertainty about my Art and that can be hard sometimes. There are so many things I do not know yet.

• I do know one thing, however. In fact, I am absolutely certain.

• When I make my Art, I feel more alive.

In gratitude, Nicholas